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Band 5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent decades,
people
Use synonyms
 have been sleeping much less compared to the past. I believe that the main reason for
this
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 is the invention of electricity and
advanced
Correct article usage
the advanced
show examples
 technologies based on them;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 health. Before the invention of electricity,
people
Use synonyms
 used to sleep much more because they did not have a chance to work without a convenient source of
light
Use synonyms
. The only source of
light
Use synonyms
 they could use were candles, which do not
last
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 long and the amount of
light
Use synonyms
 they produce is quite low.
Consequently
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, it was more beneficial for them to fall asleep after sunset.
This
Linking Words
 is proven by various historical studies around the globe.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays have easy access to a wide range of
light
Use synonyms
 sources based on electricity, which allows them to do chores even when it is dark outside. Unfortunately,
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 lifestyle is quite unnatural for humans and can have a bad impact on health. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is the reduced amount of sleep, which affects all organs of the human body. Apart from that, the lack of sleep can lead to mental illnesses and stress, which has a cascading effect on society because
such
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 an individual can be unfriendly or even rude
with
Change preposition
to
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 others.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent studies show that the amount of sleep positively correlates with the level of happiness. In conclusion, advances in
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
 encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to sleep less;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 it is crucial for them to maintain
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
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 between health and work. Lack of sleep affects the human mind and can lead to bad mood or even depression.
Submitted by vaahmerov on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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