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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries,small number of people earn extremely high salaries.Some people believe that this is good for the country.but others think that governments should not allow salaries above certain levels Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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In some states, some
workers
Use synonyms
 are highly remunerated,some people believe
this
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 will affect their country positively,as they would be motivated to perform better,others think that there should be wage limits,which would maintain equitable distribution of finance,I believe that the former opinion will lead to more development in the state .
This
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 essay will explain both sides of the argument and express my point of view . Undoubtedly, salary distribution would vary
according to
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 the type of
work
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 itself, the experience of the
employee
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as well as
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 his knowledge.On the one hand ,some argue that some employees should be highly paid and
this
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 will advance their country's progress ,
that is
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 to say , the
employee
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 with exceptional
performance
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 should incentivized,
this
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 will ensure better
performance
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,more focus on the
work
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, using
work
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 hours efficiently and
hence
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 promote innovation which guarantees more advancement and prosperity for the organization.
Moreover
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, the
employee
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 would have a better
work
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/social balance , which means less psychological stress because the worker must not spend time to find another job to gain more money,
For example
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, in Microsoft company the
workers
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 are paid based on their innovation and new ideas development.
In addition
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 to, keeping the inventors from polarizing by foreign companies.
However
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,the others who argue that the government should define a salary cap , justify that their solution would assure equitable distribution of monetary resources and keep applying social cohesion
as well as
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 eliminate social discrepancy , because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
opinion-from
Change preposition
apply
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their point of view makes the rich people richer and the poor poorer,
therefore
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 the social disparity will increase which creates a feeling of inequality and jealousy and
hence
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 the
employee
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performance
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 would deteriorate.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some people think that distinction in wages should be applied to exceptional
workers
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 to influence their state positively,others think that
this
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 will create social disparity, I strongly believe that diligent
workers
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 should be encouraged by promotions to be motivated to improve their
performance
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,skills and productivity.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate and clarify some points further to make your arguments more persuasive. For instance, the point regarding a better work/social balance could be expanded with more specific examples or data.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main idea is clearly identified and thoroughly developed within its own paragraph. This will improve the logical structure of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your essay. This can enhance the flow and make your writing more cohesive.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines both viewpoints and clearly states your own position. This sets a strong foundation for the rest of your essay.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which demonstrates your ability to consider different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion, reinforcing the overall argument of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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