IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that it is not possible to be happy without money, while others think that money does not guarantee happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The discussion of travelling surely brings up a question – what should be the best mode that can be used?
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 like to use their personal vehicles, there are others who believe public
transport
Use synonyms
 like trains or buses can be the
apropos
Correct word choice
appropriate
show examples
 choice for frequent commuting. With the increased development in the motor vehicle industry, almost everyone has a personal 4-wheeler at home.
Consequently
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, they prefer to use their own vehicle to get around the city.
This
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 surely gives one a chance to
travel
Use synonyms
 and spend time with the family.
However
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, even though it's comfortable, using a personal car every time for a small chore is not healthy for the environment.
For instance
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, commuting to the office daily is where
people
Use synonyms
 want to go comfortably, so they use their own car. Eventually,
this
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 is hugely adding to the air pollution.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 like to
travel
Use synonyms
 via metro, local buses, or trains because it is cheaper. Generally, not many
people
Use synonyms
 like to spend a fortune on petrol or diesel. As a solution, they opt to
travel
Use synonyms
 by public
transport
Use synonyms
.
This
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also
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 allows them to interact with others during the commute. As an added bonus, public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 less to air pollution. The best example
to establish
Change preposition
of establishing
show examples
 public
transport
Use synonyms
 as the better choice is evident in the fact that even though there are luxurious cars available,
people
Use synonyms
 are opting for bus
travel
Use synonyms
 rather than contributing to environmental health decline.
To conclude
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, both sides have their uses depending on individuals.
While
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 using a personal car is beneficial to
travel
Use synonyms
 safely and securely with family, public
transport
Use synonyms
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 in reducing air pollution. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should opt for public
transport
Use synonyms
 as and when feasible.
This
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 will not only give them a chance to interact with different
people
Use synonyms
 during the journey
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 give them a break from driving themselves.

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coherence and cohesion
Good use of examples to support ideas. The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas. Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the topic and avoid repetition.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good response to the task. The ideas are well developed and relevant examples are used effectively. Make sure to address all aspects of the question equally and maintain a clear focus on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic security
  • enriching experiences
  • broaden horizons
  • emotional well-being
  • materialism
  • asset management
  • life satisfaction
  • fundamental needs
  • reduce stress
  • enabling experiences
  • emotional needs
  • accumulate wealth
  • never-ending cycle
  • subjective
  • multifaceted
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