IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries?

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Amidst the surge
of
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in
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price
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 in
medications
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, some of the citizens in developing
countries
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 have failed to gain access to these medicines
and
Correct word choice
apply
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resulting in
delay
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delays
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 in health in some patients.
This
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 essay believes that
this
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 issue should not be borne by the pharmaceutical industry by lowering their
products
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’ prices because it will compromise the quality of their
products
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 and more importantly, it should be the government’s responsibility to ensure the accessibility of healthcare for their citizens. The intention of drug companies to make their
products
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 affordable for some developing
countries
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 should not be a preferred idea because it will impact the efficacy of their
products
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. It is inevitable that some
medications
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 require high-
price
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 materials which makes the cost of selling
are
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apply
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so high. If these materials are not present,
then
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 the
products
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’ qualities are at stake.
For example
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,
a
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apply
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post-op medication is known to be expensive because of its rare material substances, and when a company tries to lower the selling
price
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, they will cut the inclusion of these rare substances,
therefore
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, the quality of the medicine is compromised.
Moreover
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, it is not the role of the pharmaceutical industry to make some medicines available for patients in developing
countries
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 as
this
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 is the government’s responsibility. Any government of any poor country should be liable for their nation’s well-being, and it could be done in some ways.
For instance
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, the health authority should create a subsidized program for the poor to cover the medicines required. In conclusion, the expensive
price
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 of some
medications
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 has made some patients in developing
countries
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 incapable of affording the
products
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, though
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that it should not be the pharmaceutical industry’s responsibility to regulate the
price
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 to be lower because it could impact the quality of their
products
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due to
Linking Words
 the exclusions of some chemical substances.
Moreover
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, it should be the authority’s liability to ensure the healthcare of its citizens by implementing a subsidized program where the poor community could have access to unlimited
medications
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.

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Task Achievement
Ensure to fully respond to all parts of the task statement. Your response suggests that pharmaceutical companies should not reduce prices, but consider also discussing the potential benefits to provide a balanced viewpoint.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear, but further elaboration is needed to fully develop your argument. Consider adding more specific examples or data to strengthen your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a clearer progression of ideas. While your essay is logically structured, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use phrases like 'In addition to' or 'Furthermore' to better link your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Integrate a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will also help in making your essay more cohesive.
Task Achievement
When giving examples, ensure they are specific and directly support your main argument. While you provide examples, digging deeper into the details could better illustrate your point of view.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
What to do next:
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