IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Nations
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 of the third
world
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 face a concerning problem because of people who can't pay for drugs to cure an illness, there are important factors as Human Rights and economic profits that I believe, drug
companies
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 should make their products more affordable at low cost. In
this
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 essay, I will delve into my opinion.
To begin
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 with, we live in a globalized
world
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 where Politicians and First
World
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Nations
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 have declared universal rights, which they termed as 'Human Rights', those declarations are to be applied to all countries, including poor countries. One of the most claimed is all human beings have the right to live.
Therefore
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, if
companies
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 deny the possibility of changing their indoor politics, they face a global sue that could cause them to be
canceled
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cancelled
show examples
.
For instance
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, Pzifer is paying insurance millions of dollars
due to
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 negligence in the package of vaccinations to South America during the
last
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 pandemic.
Secondly
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, a strong relationship between populations and wealth, is that the majority of critical
nations
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 are widely spread, and there are placed overcrowded.
Nevertheless
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, the quantity is a good opportunity for enterprises to get astonishing profits if they adjust their prices.
For example
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, Bayer is one the most successful
companies
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, and they are known for being kind to consumers,
this
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 is why they make alliances and agreements with the government to reduce their prices in exchange for taxes.
Therefore
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, they have saved a lot of money to invest in themselves. In conclusion, there are two crucial aspects that drug
companies
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 should take into account to avoid legal and humanitarian issues and get profitable results by lowering their prices to the most populated
nations
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, which generally are Third
World
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 Countries.

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coherence
Effective communication of ideas begins with clarity and coherence. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining logical progression throughout. For example, the transition between discussing human rights and economic profits could be made more seamless.
relevant example
While examples like Pfizer and Bayer provide support, they should be elaborated upon to clearly illustrate how the situations reflect the need for affordable medications in poorer countries.
task response
The essay needs a stronger thesis statement in the introduction, clearly outlining the main points to be discussed. This would enhance the clarity and focus of the overall argument.
organization
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the argument effectively.
relevant example
The use of real-life examples, such as the practices of Pfizer and Bayer, adds a practical dimension to the arguments presented.
complete response
The essay addresses the topic thoroughly, discussing both human rights and economic benefits, which demonstrates a comprehensive approach to the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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