IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people today feel that physical money will no longer be used in the future. Others feel it will still have some uses. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #money #future
In
this
 present world, technology is advanced with each passing day in every field of life. Digital money is in trend. The argument is many are advised that notes would be stopped in use
while
 some disagreed with them. The two sides of
this
 argument will be thoroughly analysed and discussed in
this
 essay before drawing a reasoned conclusion.
According to
 the first point of view, paper money has no more life.
For instance
, most people believe in the online banking system because it is the quickest and easiest way of paying for groceries and the availability of credit cards is
also
 a good source of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fund because even if their paycheque come late they still have the option to buy their groceries and fulfil their desires. As per the second point of view, paper is still useful for older
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
or illiterate people. For,example older people are not very fond of technology they could not totally rely on mobile banking or could
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 pay bills with atm cards. Which could
be made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 them uncomfortable
while
 going shopping alone. To summarise, the two sides of the argument concerning the prospect of physical money will no longer be in use in future.
However
, after a thorough analysis of both sides,
it is clear that
 the idea notes will be still in use because
its
Correct your spelling
it is
show examples
 obvious government will take a decision after considering them all.
Submitted by kauravneetdes1432 on

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task response
The essay does not fully respond to the task as it lacks a detailed discussion of both sides of the argument. The arguments presented are not clearly developed and lack depth. Ensure that you discuss both sides in sufficient detail and provide a clear opinion based on the arguments presented.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, with ideas presented in a disconnected and disjointed manner. Work on organizing the ideas in a more coherent and cohesive manner to improve the overall flow and readability of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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