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Band 5

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

#people #athletes #role #models #don’t
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is some
people
 think that professional
athletes
 make good role models for young
people
.It is undeniable that
athletic
Replace the word
athletics
show examples
 has become an essential part of our
life
.
However
, other
people
 think that professional
athletes
make
Verb problem
are
show examples
 bad role models for teenagers. A commonly held belief is that
athletes
 are good at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discipline and I agree with
this
 opinion. As evidence of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they point to
athletes
Change noun form
athletes'
athlete's
show examples
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
. They do their stuff on time.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they plan their day. When
athletes
 are training , they save the discipline. The second good thing is that
athletes
 adhere to a healthy lifestyle.
Actually
Add a comma
Actually,
show examples
 they have
strict
Correct article usage
a strict
show examples
 but at the same time very good routine.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 in the morning sportspeople
woke
Correct your spelling
wake
show examples
 up early.
Moreover
, they eat only healthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
. They do
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities
such
 as swimming, tennis, football or volleyball etc.
As a result
, these sports
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them to be strong and healthy.
On the other hand
, some
people
 claim that
athletes
 play
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 role in young
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives.
For example
, they may mention that sportspeople can get injured during their training or during any competition. Because of
this
, they can become disabled for
life
.
Therefore
, being an athlete is very dangerous.
In addition
, many
athletes
 become addicted to drugs. The explanation is that if an athlete is more energetic than he actually is, he may take doping, thereby putting his
life
 in danger.
Therefore
, many
people
 believe that
athletes
 can have a bad influence on a teenager's
life
. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that
while
 it is true that
athletes
 can set a bad example for young
people
, there are
also
 good sides to
athletes
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Try to further develop your arguments with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will help to illustrate your points more convincingly.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed equally and in detail, to provide a balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by using more diverse linking words and phrases to make connections between ideas clearer.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the two sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included contrasting viewpoints, which demonstrates an understanding of the essay task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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