Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
athletes
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athletes'
athlete's
show examples
impact on young people. It is undeniable that
sport related
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sport-related
show examples
shows and games
has
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have
show examples
become an essential part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
However
, there is no absolute agreement on whether
sportsmans
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
show examples
can represent beneficial
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
or they can not. A commonly held belief is that professional athletes appear to youngsters as an influential role.  As evidence of
this
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this,
show examples
they point to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
athletes' healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Furthermore
, their boosted self-confidence is
also
being desired by many ordinary
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. The explanation behind
this
is simple:
healthiness
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health
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and
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
life
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
something that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
really
Add a missing verb
are really
show examples
keen on, as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
every part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. And if
sport
helps us with
physical
Add an article
the physical
show examples
aspect of
life
, self-confidence is helpful when
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
essential decisions.
For instance
,
indecisive
Correct article usage
an indecisive
show examples
person, certainly, will doubt
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
something, whether it is milk in a supermarket or house. Another perspective about
sport
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sports
show examples
figures is that they are not ideal
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
for
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
generation. Apparently, there are some cons in sportsmen influencing adolescents. Those who believe it point
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
lifelong injuries that can
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
throughout the career and at drugs which a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
competitors use. Youngsters'
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
not able to understand
great
Correct article usage
the great
show examples
consequences of
this
kind of
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
, which is why champs are not the best ones to imitate. In conclusion, in my point of view,
however
unpleasant
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
might be for children,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
players are ,
initially
, the best representers of athletics. And
this
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe, is
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
for younger
ones
Change noun form
ones'
one's
show examples
health-conscious
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs clearer structure and better flow between ideas. Try using transition words and phrases to make the connections between sentences and paragraphs smoother.
grammar
There are some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasings that need to be corrected. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Using real-life examples or well-known athletes can make your points more convincing.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The writer attempts to provide reasons and evidence to support their opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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