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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.

#people #athletes #role #models #don’t
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that professional athletes make good role models for young people,
while
 others believe they don’t.
However
, there is no absolute agreement as some people find that
make
Verb problem
apply
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good role models
beneficial
Add a missing verb
are beneficial
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,
while
 others consider everything associated with
imitate
Replace the word
imitation
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 negatively. Surely, there are both pros and cons to
imitate
Wrong verb form
imitating
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 but I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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. A commonly held belief is that athletes lead a healthy lifestyle. As evidence of
this
 they point to their health, they almost never have health problems.
Furthermore
, they are very disciplined. It could be explained by the fact that through discipline, they begin to shape their behavior as they grow up and they spend their
time
 effectively and usefully.
As a result
, it leads to the understanding that they must take responsibility for their lives.
On the other hand
, some people may get injured
while
 playing
this
 sport.
For example
, they can devote a lot of
time
 to training.
In addition
, some students spend a lot of
time
 training and participating in competitions to become like their idols. The explanation is that at school they do not have enough
time
 to study, they can skip classes and understand the topic.
Therefore
, they need to choose the path of sports on the career ladder or spend more
time
 on school classes. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that, it can be stated that students should realize that each person has their own unique path in life, and it is not necessary to follow the example of idols in everything. Everyone should find their own path to success, based on their abilities, interests and goals.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Task Response
Enhance the essay's task response by elaborating on both sides of the argument more equitably and providing a balanced view. Introducing specific examples that are more detailed and directly related to the topic will strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by ensuring that all ideas flow more logically, with clear connections between different sections. Utilize more transition words to better link sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and a conclusion, maintaining a focused discussion on the topic.
Task Achievement
Ideas presented are relevant to the topic and show a certain depth of understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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