IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
Opinions on the effects of
freedom
 on
children
 are divided. Some individuals argue that letting them choose their daily needs may lead to the development of self-centred characteristics. Others think that it is imperative for
children
 to have an understanding of the various factors that have shaped their development. In my opinion, I believe that
children
 must still be under parental supervision to make any decision.
Firstly
, the phenomenon of
freedom
 has the potential to negatively impact the behavioural tendencies of
children
. There is concern that
children
 may be excessively emancipated when parents grant them autonomy in decision-making.
Therefore
, it builds character which makes them unconscious of any rules.
Moreover
,
freedom
 will allow
children
 to be self-reliant,
while
 obstacles imposed by nature can impede their acceptance of societal norms.
Conversely
,
children
 are
likewise
 entitled to select their preferred food, clothes, and entertainment that they like.
This
 empowers them to exercise autonomy in decision-making and cultivate a firm set of values based on their personal preferences.
Additionally
, it fosters the development of their creative abilities, as they possess a breadth of perspective and are not confined by external desires. In conclusion, I believe that directing
children
 to choose something at an age that still needs guidance will form discipline. When they get older, do not let them be a selfish person. Even though
freedom
 is an important thing for the
children
 develop their character and an out-of-the-box mindset. They will know their strengths and weaknesses and the positive influences that shape their life.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to introduce more specific examples to support your points, which would further clarify your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving paragraph transitions to make the essay more cohesive and ensure smoother flow between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the two opposing views and states the writer's opinion.
supported main points
Most of the main points are supported with some explanation, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and restates the writer's opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: