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Band 5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #travel
A
well spent
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well-spent
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vocations
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vocation
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 helps to rejuvenate and refresh your brain. It is believed by some that in future
people
 will prefer to spend their
holidays
on
Change preposition
in
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 local tourist
places
 rather than going on international trips. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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this
 will not going to happen .
Next
Correct article usage
The next
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 paragraphs will expand on supporting ideas to explain my viewpoint. There are myriad reasons why
people
 choose to
visit
 abroad.
Firstly
,
this
 helps them to explore and learn about
a new cultures
Correct the article-noun agreement
new cultures
a new culture
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.
people
 living in warmer countries
likely
Add a missing verb
are likely
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 to stay
at
Change preposition
in
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 colder or snowy
places
 . They get opportunities to learn a new language as well.Ladies like to shop
Change preposition
for jewelry
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jewelry
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jewellery
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, makeup and clothes which are not available in their local market.Men prefer to take notes of new strategies for
business
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businesses
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 to grow. Everyone like to taste local foods.Some
people
 like to
visit
 holy
places
 in their vocation to refresh their spiritual
belief
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beliefs
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For instance
 , many
people
visit
saudia
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Saudia
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 to perform their religious rituals
along with
 that they try to explore as many
places
 as they can to learn about them.
In addition
 to
this
 , many
people
 from around the globe
comes
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come
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 to
visit
 the
kalaash
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Kalaash
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 valley to know about their culture .
On the other hand
, some
people
believes
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believe
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 that enjoying
holidays
 abroad will become difficult with
passing
Correct article usage
the passing
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time
Change preposition
of time
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 .The prime reason can be economic
condition
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conditions
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.
Due to high
Change preposition
High
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 rates of
plan
Correct your spelling
plane
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 tickets , food and clothes will impact the planning of
holidays
. In order to
visit
 a different country will cost a hefty amount .
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
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people
 will use that money to take more trips locally
instead
wasting
Change preposition
of wasting
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 them on an international trip. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that
althought
Correct your spelling
although
, we can not neglect
economicsituation
Correct your spelling
economic situation
.a tour
of
Change preposition
apply
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abroad contains far more benefits than visiting locally.
Therefore
people
 will try to manage
finances
Correct pronoun usage
their finances
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 to enjoy their
holidays
.
Submitted by vajeeha.kamran on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
What to do next:
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