IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people focus on news in their own country, while others think it is more important to be aware of international news. Discuss both views and give you own opinion

#people #focus #news #country
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People
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's opinion differs as to whether local
news
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 is of more importance or international one. Personally, I agree with both views as both are equally important. Those who argue that home-
country
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news
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 is of immense importance have their reasons. Listening to or watching the
news
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 is a good idea to be aware of what is happening around the
country
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.
Firstly
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, each
country
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 has their own first language, and
people
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 living in the
country
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 can easily understand that and in a
country
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, that language is certain to be used in the
news
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. So that
people
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 do not have to struggle.
Secondly
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,
news
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such
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 as demonetization, and price changes of commodities is the must-watch
news
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.
For instance
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, In 2019, the Indian government announced the demonetization of all 500 and 1000 rupees bills and residents were given a certain date to exchange those.
People
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 unaware of
this
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news
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 suffered as their money was just a piece of paper after a date.
On the other hand
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, knowledge of global
news
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 plays a significant role. One prime reason is that it gives an idea of events taking place around the world whether bad or good.
For instance
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, an outbreak of coronavirus from Vuhan was telecasted globally and immediately so that
people
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 could take precautions.
As a result
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 of
this
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, governments of other nations closed the border to prevent the virus from entering their countries. The use of sanitiser, masks, and gloves was suggested in broadcasts to control the spread and
this
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 helped to a great extent. Another reason is that businessmen get an idea of currency exchange rates which might affect their business internationally. In conclusion, I believe that
news
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 is an indispensable part of our lives whether the
news
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 is about our own
country
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 or about the world and knowledge of both is important equally.
Submitted by me1090905 on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and includes a clear personal opinion. However, the supporting points could be further developed to strengthen the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a well-organized logical structure and effectively presents an introduction and conclusion. However, the supporting points could be more effectively connected and elaborated for better coherence and cohesion.
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