Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A number of people believe that music gathers people from other cultures and at diverse ages. From my point of view, it is completely true. I strongly believe that the music is universal. I would like to express my thoughts with relevant examples. First of all, no matter where you are from, even if you do not know the language, you
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to shake your head when you hear a
and love the rhythm. There are so many singers who are famous worldwide. We love to gather at their concerts in order to listen to their
. All the people in those concerts are from another country and even though some of them cannot understand the meaning of the
, they enjoy hearing it.
For example
, I was in Austria with my friends who are from Italy, France, Germany and Belgium. We started with opening our favourite songs and ending with hugging and yelling
singing. The music was our common thing.
, I am inclined to believe that the main thing which influences someone is not the words of the
, is melody and age are not important for it. There are plenty of eminent classical musicians,
as Mozart. Even in
century, many years later after he died, everyone still listens to Mozart with pleasure and I am not only speaking for adults, but
children. There are children, even at the age of 7, who play Mozart's
with piano. What I mean is it does not depend on the age.
To conclude
, it seems to me that it only depends on your taste in art. There is no other criterion.
Submitted by fatmanurdonertas on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear position relevant to the prompt, but your ideas could be developed further for a higher score. Make sure to delve deeper into each point, providing more detailed explanations and expanding on how music brings people together.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks complex structuring and transitioning between ideas, which could elevate the coherence and cohesion. Aim to use a wider range of linking words and organize paragraphs clearly delineating each main point for improved flow and clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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