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Writing Samples
Band 6

Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Research indicates that the transportation of products and humans are responsible for the highest levels of
pollution
 on the planet.
While
 some
people
 argue that the government should take charge of
this
 matter, I believe that individuals should
also
 share the responsibility. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and state my opinion.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand, there are many compelling reasons why governments should be in charge of
this
. Air
pollution
 from transportation is a result of ineffective government policy. Some governments do not limit the number of
vehicles
 on the roads, leading to heavy traffic congestion in large cities.
For example
, in Hanoi city, there is a lot of population, leading to a large number of
vehicles
, and
this
 causes serious air
pollution
due to
 a large amount of toxic gas emitted from those
vehicles
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, each individual should be the one in charge of activities that have adverse impacts on the environment.Many
people
, especially those in developing countries, have little awareness of the limitations of using personal
vehicles
such
 as cars and motorbikes. They are able to take buses and subways or other public transport
instead
 of driving, which could reduce the amount of exhaust fumes from
vehicles
.
However
, there is still a large part of
people
 who choose personal
vehicles
due to
 convenience. For that reason, individuals are
also
 responsible for adverse effects on the environment. In conclusion, the transportation of products and
people
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the main cause of air
pollution
 around the world
therefore
, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
national leaders and citizens should join hands together to lower the negative impact of all kinds of transport.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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task response
The essay discusses both views and provides a clear opinion, but the arguments lack depth and specific examples. Work on providing more detailed and concrete examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas within paragraphs could be improved for better coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emissions standards
  • public transportation
  • green technologies
  • environmentally friendly choices
  • carpooling
  • electric vehicles
  • market demand
  • infrastructure
  • recycling programs
  • policies and regulations
  • investment
  • innovate
  • compelling industries
What to do next:
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