IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

the chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US

the chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US
The chart provides information about the rate of people who are suffering from
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 in the US every year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
 groups who tend to have
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 based on the chart are
men
Use synonyms
 around 45-64 and both genders above 65. The first
age
Use synonyms
 group appears the least likely to suffer from
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 diagnosed are drastically higher than
women
Use synonyms
, in which
men
Use synonyms
's conditions reached 123
thousand
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 were 3
thousand
Use synonyms
 only. On a similar basis, the following
age
Use synonyms
 group indicated that
men
Use synonyms
 suffer from
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 more than the double
numbers
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
.  Both genders above 65 showed close
numbers
Use synonyms
 of cases.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
's cases are higher than
women
Use synonyms
's by nearly 1
thousand
Use synonyms
, in which
men
Use synonyms
's
numbers
Use synonyms
 were 440
thousand
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
's
374
Add a missing verb
were 374
show examples
thousand
Use synonyms
.  In short, the
numbers
Use synonyms
 indicated that
men
Use synonyms
 have a higher tendency to get
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 compared to
women
Use synonyms
 in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words heart, attacks, age, men, numbers, women, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "indicated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: