IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say the main way to be happy is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy What others things can make people happy

#people #money
Money, the standard and internationally accepted means of exchange is a very important and scarce commodity
although
 it is constantly desired by all. Lots of factors can determine our state of mind
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and one of these is our ability to meet our needs, which never ends but continually changes over time and seasons. These needs can be basic like shelter, food, clothing, provision of medical care, payment for education or luxury; like buying a car, or going on vacation. whatever the category, it can only be provided when sustainable finance is available, and when an individual is able to provide them, he is happy.
For example
, a man who is able to pay the fees of his child who wish to go to college feels
this
 sense of fulfilment in him,
while
 the one who is unable to afford it is filled with unhappiness. Having wonderful family and friends around us to interact with, love, spend quality time with, share our fears and celebrate our victories is
also
 another source of happiness. The wants of a man are unlimited, meaning that irrespective of the quantity of wealth available to us, it is impossible to meet all our wants, so, by having a mindset of appreciation and contentment, we will worry less about what we do not have, and be grateful and make do with what we have, and
this
 leaves us feeling happy.
For instance
, in the example above, the man who can not afford to pay his child's fees to go to college
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can remain grateful that he is able to provide food, clothing and shelter, and encourage his child to acquire other skills which he can afford to pay for, as education is not the only means of having a bright future In conclusion, wealth, good family and friends, and a mindset of contentment among other things, help us to stay happy
Submitted by chidinmaelisha24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: