IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram shows the process in which milk and its related products are produced.

The diagram shows the process in which milk and its related products are produced.
The above illustration depicts the stages involved in milk production and its variations.
Overall
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, there is a total of eight stages involved in
this
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 process, starting from the farm and
lastly
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 to the retail shops for the final consumers. Each stage has its own unique use and cannot be overlooked.
Firstly
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, the cows are being reared and nurtured for
this
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 process. The milking machine extracts the milk from these animals,
hence
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 giving room for the process of preservation where they're preserved in the refrigerator before being conveyed daily through the tanker to the factory for the final procedure.
Furthermore
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, at the
refinary
Correct your spelling
refinery
, the dairy is
therefore
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 processed with the processing machine where they're made into different categories like cheese, cream and butter. In conclusion, the milk is hereby packaged into various containers as their types differ.
Then
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 they are ready for sale and
finally
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 distributed to the grocery stores where they can get to the buyers.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • milking machines
  • containers
  • refrigerated trucks
  • pasteurization
  • homogenization
  • separation
  • standardization
  • cream
  • skim milk
  • fat content
  • packaging
  • cartons
  • bottles
  • dairy processing plant
  • quality control
  • safety and quality standards
  • distribution
  • retailers
  • grocery stores
  • vendors
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