People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that
people
today sleep less
hours than they did in the past.It is Change the quantifier
fewer
indeniable
that sleep has become an essential part of our Correct your spelling
undeniable
life
.In this
essay
I will look at factors responsible for time for dreams.
One of the main causes of lack of sleep is social Add a comma
essay,
media
.It is a result of development
of technology.Nowadays we have a Add an article
the development
lot
of social media
and mobile games which cause addiction.For instanse
in “Tik Correct your spelling
instance
Tok
” Add a comma
Tok,
people
can watch a lot
of different video
and comment Change to a plural noun
videos
Change preposition
on it
it
.But many Correct pronoun usage
them
people
like social media
because they can follow their friend or their idol.All these factors keep them engaged in the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
and distract them from sleep.The second cause that might be noted,in my view,is less
active Add an article
a less
life style
.In our century a Correct your spelling
lifestyle
lot
of people
work
in online job
.Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Actually
nowadays we have a Add a comma
Actually,
lot
of opportunity
to get Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
an
online.Change the article
apply
For
example
one can buy anything from an online shop like "Aliexpress" and sell it at a little bit of an expensive price to the Add a comma
example,
people
.Taking into account that any people
can not give an order from another country ,this
is the
profitable and easier job.Correct article usage
a
Hence
,people
use this
strategy like a job and work
in their home
.
The first cause mentioned above has led to Fix the agreement mistake
homes
is
waste Unnecessary verb
apply
time
and envy Change preposition
of time
to
the Change preposition
of
life
which people
follow.They will Add a missing verb
be addict
addict
to the Replace the word
addicted
life
,which their
follow.But Correct pronoun usage
that they
the
most Correct article usage
apply
important
they will Replace the word
importantly
be have
problems with their health.The body must Change the verb form
have
to
take a rest.Another problem that follows is Change the verb form
apply
that
probability Correct determiner usage
the
obesity
.When Change preposition
of obesity
people
work
online,obviously they do not do physical work
.Anogically
they do not burn Correct your spelling
Analogically
Logically
their
calories Change the word
the
of
the food which they Change preposition
from
ate
.
So it would not be surprising to see some who Wrong verb form
eat
suffered
from lack of sleep in the near future.Wrong verb form
suffer
In other words
,a lot
of Correct your spelling
tragedy
tradegy
might happen and we should be ready to bear all the consequences of thatCorrect your spelling
tragedy
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coherence cohesion
Try to better structure your essay by clearly separating each main idea into its own paragraph. This will improve logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction properly sets up what you will discuss in the body paragraphs. Clarify your thesis statement.
task achievement
Some of your ideas are somewhat repetitive. Aim for more diverse points to fully develop your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to better link your ideas between and within paragraphs.
task achievement
You have used some relevant examples, but try to make sure each example directly supports the point you are making.
task achievement
Work on sentence variety and accuracy to make your arguments clearer and more comprehensive.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the prompt by discussing the reasons for less sleep and its effects.
task achievement
The essay shows a good understanding of the topic, and you have provided relevant examples.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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