IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #government #retirees #support #care #people #citizens #money
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There is no doubt that the elderly required care and financial aid in order to have a good life.
However
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, the question is, from where elderly can get
this
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 support?
This
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 topic caused intense controversy in the society. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss both views and draw my personal conclusion. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 agree that
this
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 is the responsibility of the government to provide
necessaries
Replace the word
necessities
show examples
 to all ages in the country.
As well as
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 governments are providing education and building school and sports facilities for
young
Add an article
the young
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 population, the right has to be given to retirees to ensure their needs.
In addition
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, an adequate amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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capital expenditures should be accounted
for
Change preposition
for for
show examples
 elderly benefits. For instant, it was found in one research paper, that 74% of diseases are affecting
people
Use synonyms
 51 years and older.
Moreover
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, if they were a driver or any kind of low-paid job, how they can save money
while
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 they could barely find food?
On the other hand
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, the elderly will not live for a long time, on average for 21 years only. Since the future is built by young men and women, country investment should be mainly in young
people
Use synonyms
 rather than older
people
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 because they would not benefit the economy. Hospital operating costs and treatments are expensive and becoming challenging to provide for everyone. In conclusion, retirees are in high need of funds and care. In my opinion, the government should plan carefully to provide welfare and the necessities for the elderly and other age groups.
Submitted by hayfa.alkhalifa1 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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