Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same as adults who commit crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

this

present world, crime rates are being increased day by day which includes both minors and adults. There are humans who opine that under-aged should be punished in the same way as aged ones. I totally disagree with

this

concept, even though, the percentage of minor criminals

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

being increased rapidly . In

this

essay, I will state my clear opinion with valid reasons.

Firstly

, there is no doubt that the percentage of illegal actions is rising.

However

, the declaration of punishments changes as per the age group like under-aged and adolescents. Nowadays, teenagers or individuals below 25 years are involved in criminal actions like illegal activities, murders and sexual harassment because they are not aware of the aftereffects.

Apart from

this

, schools focus only on educational purposes they don't even care about a child's character all they need is good grades.

Moreover

, online platforms influence them a lot .

In addition

, crimes are even

due to

breakups people are not able to control their emotions.

Secondly

, there are big groups of criminals who are behind many illegal activities performed by minors but no proper investigations are done.During the immature period ,children commit crimes because they are not aware of the present world and not worried about their future. Young ones are sent to juvenile homes and after a certain age,some are sent to jails .

However

this

is not the proper way,

instead

,they should be given proper education

along with

inspirational sessions which may bring positive change. But staying under the bars will increase their anger which will even worsen the situation. In short, offspring are given similar punishments as adolescents. In conclusion, proper psychological sessions should be given which will help them to identify good and bad. In fact, it will bring hope in them and an urge to lead a normal life. They should not be treated as adults because children are the future of our world.

Submitted by ameeshaaa19 on Wed May 24 2023

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task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion. However, there is a lack of depth in the arguments and more specific examples could have been provided.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, the support for the main points could be more developed.

lexical resource

There is a limited range of vocabulary used in the essay. Try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to improve.

grammatical range

The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence construction and word choice. Focus on improving sentence structure and using appropriate grammatical forms.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

322 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same as adults who commit crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

For school children, teacher have more influence on their intellectual and social development than parents do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A lot of old people are suffering from loneliness these days. They also lack physical fitness. What do you think are the reasons for this problem? Can you think of possible solutions?

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?