Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same as adults who commit crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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present world, crime rates are being increased day by day which includes both minors and adults. There are humans who opine that under-aged should be punished in the same way as aged ones. I totally disagree with
this
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concept, even though, the percentage of minor criminals
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
being increased rapidly . In
this
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essay, I will state my clear opinion with valid reasons.
Firstly
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, there is no doubt that the percentage of illegal actions is rising.
However
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, the declaration of punishments changes as per the age group like under-aged and adolescents. Nowadays, teenagers or individuals below 25 years are involved in criminal actions like illegal activities, murders and sexual harassment because they are not aware of the aftereffects.
Apart from
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this
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, schools focus only on educational purposes they don't even care about a child's character all they need is good grades.
Moreover
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, online platforms influence them a lot .
In addition
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, crimes are even
due to
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breakups people are not able to control their emotions.
Secondly
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, there are big groups of criminals who are behind many illegal activities performed by minors but no proper investigations are done.During the immature period ,children commit crimes because they are not aware of the present world and not worried about their future. Young ones are sent to juvenile homes and after a certain age,some are sent to jails .
However
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,
this
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is not the proper way,
instead
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,they should be given proper education
along with
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inspirational sessions which may bring positive change. But staying under the bars will increase their anger which will even worsen the situation. In short, offspring are given similar punishments as adolescents. In conclusion, proper psychological sessions should be given which will help them to identify good and bad. In fact, it will bring hope in them and an urge to lead a normal life. They should not be treated as adults because children are the future of our world.
Submitted by ameeshaaa19 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion. However, there is a lack of depth in the arguments and more specific examples could have been provided.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, the support for the main points could be more developed.
lexical resource
There is a limited range of vocabulary used in the essay. Try to incorporate more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to improve.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence construction and word choice. Focus on improving sentence structure and using appropriate grammatical forms.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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