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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004

The graph below shows the consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat in a European country between 1979 and 2004
#consumption #fish #kinds #meat #european #country
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The line chart illustrates fish and three types of meat expenditure in Europe from 1979 to 2004. Units are measured in
grams
Use synonyms
 per person per week.
It is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beef
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular meat at the beginning
whereas
Linking Words
 it
replaced
Add a missing verb
was replaced
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chicken
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period.
In addition
Linking Words
, fishes were
throughout
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the least common choice that European preferred. In terms of beef, people in Europe spent about 220
grams
Use synonyms
 per week in 1979, but fluctuated for the next decade and surpassed by chicken which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased significantly in 1989.
By contrast
Linking Words
, chicken stood at 140
grams
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 rose rapidly to approximately 250
grams
Use synonyms
 as opposed to beef declined about a half in 2004.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the among of lamb witnessed a vast decrease from 150
grams
Use synonyms
 to 60
grams
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the whole period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, fish had a
marginally
Change the adverb
marginal
show examples
 fluctuation but still maintain the level
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 50
grams
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by miriam3388 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words grams with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • fish
  • meat
  • poultry
  • beef
  • lamb
  • trend
  • increase
  • decrease
  • gradual
  • significant
  • fluctuate
  • peak
  • trough
  • steady
  • correlation
  • period
  • data
  • comparison
  • predominant
  • kilograms per capita
  • dietary habits
  • health consciousness
  • sustainability
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