IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with academic subjects. What is your opinion? What are the effects on the children in their lives?

#countries #sports #exercise #classes #subjects #effects #children #lives
In many parts of the world, there is a controversy about whether physical classes should be replaced with academic ones. My own view on the matter is that both sides are boon to the growth of children. It is undisputed that academic
subjects
 play an important role in
education
. The students concentrate on studying main
subjects
 which brings them solid knowledge about academic fields. That contributes to achieving high grades and passing year-round examinations.
In addition
, pupils able to win a slot at a renowned university lead to getting a highly recognized diploma.
Besides
, physical
education
 has distinct roles. Sports are a perfect way to build character and develop a personality.
Furthermore
, sportsmanship is attributed to physical
education
 regularly. In today's era, children are becoming more and more inactive. That gives rise to the risk of becoming overweight or obese and takes its toll on their health
as well as
 causing cardiovascular illness.
On the other hand
, the shortage of physical practice in
education
 has a serious impact on students. As I refer to earlier, exercise classes help adolescents' sense of escape from stress or a decline in health.
Moreover
, those who only focus on academic
subjects
 will find study progress boring.
Finally
, physical
education
 is a good opportunity to practice soft skills
such
 as teamwork and communication skills which is helpful for their future. In conclusion, academic
subjects
 enhance the academic level,
whereas
 physical
education
 provides soft skills and good health for students.
Thus
, academic and exercise
subjects
 should be combined to help children grow comprehensively.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical well-being
  • Healthy growth and development
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Mental health
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Communication
  • Academic performance
  • Concentration
  • Memory
  • Cognitive functions
  • Lifelong habits
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Holistic development
  • Talent development
  • Athletics
What to do next:
Look at other essays: