IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effect on social relationships. do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
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there are many people who believe that modern community technology can have adverse effects on social connection.
However
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, I suppose that
this
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 view is erroneous because these technological advancements not only enable us to connect over long distances but
also
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 facilitate us to expand our relationships. On the one hand, some individuals argue that virtual communications through tools
such
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 as cells phone and social media apps can lead to a sense of isolation and weaken international bonds.
However
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, I hold the belief that these arguments are not persuasion.
This
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 is because,
although
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 online interaction may not replace face-to-face connection, it can facilitate the maintenance of long-distance relationships and assist people converse with their friends and family, even online communities more easily various through various instant message and video call functions
On the other hand
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, there are some shortcomings when using social media to communicate omnipresence. The first obvious demerit is that individuals do not have direct interaction with others,
therefore
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, they will not meet for a period of time, which can lead to the relationship fading.
In other words
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, people have few outdoor activities.
As a consequence
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, more and more humans do not like to hang out, which leads to decreased individual health. Another negative aspect is that modern couples meet through Tinder which does not have authentic sensitive stem from breaks up on Facebook Messenger.
Thus
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, they do not go outside their home to interact activity together.
Consequently
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, the population is becoming isolated and lonely. In conclusion, speaking face-to-face less than ever today, From my perspective advantage outweigh the disadvantage, everyone should try to find a way in order to balance the time they spend talking online and talking face-to-face.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganh64195123 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
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