Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that young people need to spend their free time working as unpaid labourers to be useful in helping society. The main argument is that doing that will be helpful for the youngsters and the communities. I disagree with that statement.
Firstly
because teenagers should study and be happy and the second reason is that there is not enough work for those in society.
The young generation is crucial for the future so they need to be formed and study. Even though the labour will be in their free time, the simple thing of spending it working will be a charge for them and it will be more complicated to take charge of other things in their life. Linking Words
Consequently
working will be a distraction for studies or a simple weight in their day day. Linking Words
For instance
, Linking Words
according to
The New York Times, students who do not have enough free time, 1 hour per day, usually have bad grades because of stress.
The second point is that in developed countries there is usually a lack of work. In short, there are not enough jobs for all the active citizens. In my opinion, making working youth generations removes some jobs that could be useful for other people who really need it. Linking Words
For example
, in the United Kingdom Linking Words
according to
ABC, 7% of men between 30 and 60 years old do not have a job. So I think we need to preserve those opportunities for men in that situation and not for teenagers.
In conclusion, I think that youngsters should not be required because they have an objective, focus on their studies and be relaxed and we need to preserve job opportunities for all the people who are truly needed in society, Linking Words
that is
why I am not in agreement.Linking Words
Submitted by santos_dij on
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task achievement
Consider providing more varied and specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
Strengthen the development of arguments by considering potential counterarguments and refuting them.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported with examples, such as the reference to The New York Times and ABC.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is good, with a clear progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite