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Band 7.5

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of people’s salaries to pay for necessary public services, such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #proportion #people’s #salaries #services #roads #schools #taxes
Nowadays, there are
people
 who state that it is reasonable for governments to take a considerable amount of
people
's salaries to pay for essential public
services
 like schools and roads,
while
 others disagree and see
taxes
 as unfavourable to the community. In my opinion, considering both views, I agree that a fair amount of
taxes
 is being charged to build or maintain useful public
services
. Collecting
taxes
 from the residents for public schools, roads, or other facilities procurement is sensible for several reasons.
Firstly
, it is beneficial for the
people
 since they will be the ones who use those crucial
services
.
For instance
, the town can now access better education options because the
taxes
 support those institutions.
Secondly
, the tax system could increase living quality as a whole with the help of community mutual cooperation. Take city transportation as an example, everyone including those with low income can afford it now because it is supported by the government's subsidy--which comes from our
taxes
.
Nevertheless
, there are some arguments against the large tax requirement. Most importantly, the huge salary proportion taken could negatively affect those coming home with minimum wage.
For instance
, almost 30% of workers today express their fear of high tax charges because they already have low paychecks in the first place.
Additionally
, they worry that the officials might use their money to their own advantage.
In other words
, they do not trust that the government is not corrupt.
To conclude
, many consider
taxes
bring
Fix the infinitive
to bring
show examples
 more benefits than harm even though some still feel like it is unsensible for the government to demand extra money from
people
's salaries. I personally agree with the first view as I take salary
taxes
 as a valid solution to meet the public needs for crucial
services
 as long as it is responsibly maintained.
Submitted by lidyaprmata on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay addresses and develops all views equally and in depth. For instance, spend a bit more time developing the perspective against high taxes.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences may benefit from restructuring for enhanced clarity and flow. For example, be cautious of long sentences that could be split for readability.
task achievement
Certain sections might need more examples to fully illustrate the points being made. Including more data or examples could strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides well-structured arguments for both views, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The examples given, such as the support for public schools and city transportation, are relevant and help demonstrate the benefits of taxation.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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