IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, the quality of life in large cities is decreasing. Discuss the causes and solutions.

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The global phenomenon of urbanisation from the beginning of industrialisation to the present day has brought opportunity and prosperity, albeit at
a
Correct article usage
the
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 cost
in
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of
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 the quality of life. With an increasing
city
Use synonyms
 population, the complexity of the challenges
also
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 increases, the causes and solutions for
this
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 are outlined below. The causes for the decrease in the quality of life are paradoxically the prosperity endowed on
such
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 metropolitan centres. Their growth is largely
due to
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 the increase of opportunities on offer, which in turn increases their attractiveness, essentially they are trapped in a positive self-reinforcing cycle.
However
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,
this
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 eventually leads to a decrease in the quality of life as the
city
Use synonyms
 can experience overcrowding, exorbitant property prices, and increased vulnerability to terrorist attacks.
For
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example
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example,
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 the density of London makes it a more efficient place to attack
,
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apply
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 when compared to a smaller
city
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such
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 as Bradford.
Therefore
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,
due to
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 continuous growth and prosperity, urban citizens, especially the less
well off
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well-off
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, often experience a lower standard of living. Considering the solutions, greater investment in public transport would ease traffic congestion, as would bike lanes. In
theory
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theory,
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this
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 would reduce air pollution, and possibly improve the wellbeing of the population if they did adopt a more active lifestyle and cycle to work. To counter violent terrorist attacks, cities could embark on CCTV installations, so as to closely monitor for threats.
For example
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, it is said,
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 CCTV in London has foiled many potential attacks, and
therefore
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 greatly increased the security of its citizens.
To conclude
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, a wealthy
city
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 attracts a large population inflow, which
then
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 causes pressure on existing infrastructure and security. Various solutions exist to mitigate
such
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 drawbacks,
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nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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 an indefinite solution has yet to be found.

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Improvement Suggestions

4
coherence cohesion

The writer’s position is clear throughout the response and ideas are generally well-developed, well supported and well-organized. The introduction and conclusion are solid. Overall, the structure of the essay is very well organised.

task achievement

The task response is quite comprehensive and it addresses all parts of the task. The essay could benefit from more varied language and more complex sentence structures. Try to use uncommon lexical items and use paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately if possible.

lexical resource

The lexical resource is good, but there is always scope for using high-level words. Try to incorporate some idiomatic language, phrasal verbs, and less common vocabulary to further enhance the lexical resource.

grammatical range

There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and a good control of grammar and punctuation but errors occur as rare minor 'slips'. Try to practice more on minor grammatical points and aim for more complex sentences while avoiding errors.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overpopulation
  • Strained resources
  • Commute times
  • Economic stress
  • Community events
  • Affordable housing
  • Environmental regulations
  • Green spaces
  • Urban environments
  • Socialize
  • Foster
  • Tackle
  • Strategies
  • Implementing
  • Pollution
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