IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no doubt that intelligence and creativity are commonplace in today’s world because of various reasons. It is widely argued that genetics play a crucial role in success
while
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 others believe that training and hard work have an important part in becoming professional. In my opinion, I strongly believe that both of these causes can help a person to do great with his or her hobby. First of all,
it is clear that
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 a number of people support a theory of the role of nature.
In other words
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, some people seem to have an ability that allows them to excel in their hobbies.
This
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 is because genetics shape a person from an early age.
For example
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, Mozart as a famous musician displayed high skill since he was a child.
According to
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 a recent study by Sultan Qaboos University, approximately 45% of twins have the same physical features that allow them to have the same interests.
On the other hand
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, it is generally recognized that talent considers training and practising. A key reason for
this
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 is that practice facilities can help individuals develop skills that might not have been apparent at birth.
For instance
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, many professional musicians and athletes take years of structured training before achieving excellence, like Messi the most talented football player in the world.
According to
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 statistics took place, almost 10000 hours of hard work can lead to mastery in a given field. In conclusion, both genetics and hard training have a seriously positive impact on people's abilities and skills. In my opinion, I generally agree with
this
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 point of view, as I believe both natural talent with hard work, provide an advantage to achieving success, especially from an early age.
In addition
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, I fully encourage that, everyone takes a positive role towards intelligence and creativity.

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coherence
Make sure to clarify the arguments in your introduction. It's a bit unclear how genetics and hard work will be discussed later in the essay.
coherence
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points more succinctly. This would enhance the final impression of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific and detailed examples to support your main points, particularly when discussing the role of genetics. The example of Mozart could be expanded.
task achievement
Ensure your statistics are cited accurately—for instance, it can be clearer to specify ‘a study found’ instead of ‘statistics took place’. This adds clarity and reliability to your argument.
task achievement
Your argument acknowledges both sides of the debate, demonstrating a good understanding of the issue.
coherence
The structure of your essay is logical, with clear paragraphs for each argument, which aids the reader's comprehension.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innate talent
  • Nurture
  • Prodigy
  • Proficiency
  • Deliberate practice
  • Physiological factors
  • Grit
  • Perseverance
  • Cultural norms
  • Structured training
  • Physical predisposition
  • Natural aptitude
  • Dedicated training
  • Societal influence
  • Passion
  • Genetic endowment
  • Skill acquisition
  • Expertise
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Mastery
  • Cognitive abilities
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