IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Throughout the years, the
media
Use synonyms
 had started to mainly concentrate on posting negative
news
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,
such
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 as terror attacks, political issues and other natural disasters rather than sharing positive announcements. Some say that having
news
Use synonyms
 reports so tragic leads to damage to individuals and society itself and I agree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why sharing only negative stories is bad for the
world
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.
Firstly
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, sharing only problems and emergencies can have direct effects on people's mental health. Experts claim that surrounding yourself with negative people and
news
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 leads to negative thoughts.
Consequently
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, depression rates are increasing and many people nowadays suffer from poor mental health, mostly
due to
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 constantly hearing the terrible scandals.
For example
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, in the year 2020, when the Coronavirus pandemic hit the globe, the only
news
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 that was spread was about how the issue
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 getting worse.
As a result
Linking Words
, many felt desperate, frustrated and depressed.
Moreover
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, focusing on the awful stories that happen in the
world
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 leads to an emotional split in society. Most of the tragic announcements reported on the
media
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 cause an emotional reaction from their viewers, leading to physical and violent actions towards others.
For instance
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,
while
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 the government in Israel was recently trying to legislate new rules, the
media
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 was filled with stories about
this
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 issue. It led to protests and riots on the streets from citizens who were against and in favour of the change. Having it posted on the first page of every newspaper only made the situation more controversial, the Israeli citizens were mad at each other and many
claim
Wrong verb form
claimed
show examples
 that the public
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 in a social crisis.
While
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 it is true that the
news
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' main purpose is to educate the
world
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 about the current state of the globe,
therefore
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, it should be honest and straightforward, sometimes it does more damage than good and in my view, it is vital to report more positive developments that happen in the
world
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. In conclusion, I believe that having the
news
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 reports and the
media
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 focused more on problems rather than happy outcomes is harmful to individuals and society as a whole, based on mental and emotional reasons.

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task achievement
You've given a complete response to the task, but be sure to fully address each point in the question. Adding more details or including another paragraph to explore another angle of the issue could be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well organized and the main points are effectively supported, particularly with the provision of relevant examples. However, there is a room for improvement to make the logical progression of your argument more explicit by incorporating effective linking phrases or words.
lexical resource
You've used a wide range of vocabulary appropriately, but there are a few instances where your lexical choices could be more precise. Carefully review your essay to ensure the words you choose efficiently express your ideas.
grammatical range
Considering the grammatical range, your essay has shown a good command. However, be mindful of minor grammatical errors along the essay, they do add up. Proofreading after writing might be helpful.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • news reports
  • media focus
  • negative news
  • positive developments
  • stress and anxiety
  • skewed perception of reality
  • world view
  • desensitization
  • pessimistic outlook
  • general public
  • mental well-being
  • proactive problem-solving
  • holistic view
  • informed decision-making
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