IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work
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In
this
 cutting-edge epoch, a handful of individuals opine that it is a better idea that older
citizens
 continue to
work
 if they are able to do
work
 at a later
age
. I entirely agree with the given notion.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion precisely in the subsequent paragraphs. To
embark
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, there are numerous reasons why it is better for older
people
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they perform
work
 at an earlier
age
. The predominant one is that older ones can live a healthy lifestyle if they do
work
 at a later
age
. It helps to strengthen their muscles. A number of senior
citizens
 are not physically fit as they do not do any
work
. They can get more knowledge
as well as
 experience if they
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
 for a long time. Those individuals who do
work
 in their daily routine are not prone to any disease. They can live their life for a long time. It would be worthwhile for them. A survey conducted by the USA revealed that 87% of senior
citizens
 did
work
 at a later
age
 which is why they
had
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not any kind of disease.
Moreover
, if older masses do
work
 and can earn money, it would be fruitful for the regime
as well as
 for their family. The government would not need to give pensions to older
people
 as they can earn money for themself. It would be beneficial for the development of the country. Their families have to not worry about their expenses. There are a plethora of senior
citizens
 who are not working as they are not physically fit ,so their families have to spend money on them.
This
 is not good for their young ones as they would not be able to emphasize their career if older
people
 are not able to do
work
for earning
Change preposition
to earn
show examples
 themselves. In conclusion, I reiterate that it is good for older
people
 if they perform
work
 for a long time
instead
 of taking retirement from their
work
 as it would be beneficial for the country's progress. It helps to reduce the expenses of the regime
Submitted by MANJOT on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clearer and more coherent structure by organizing your ideas in a more systematic way. Use transition words to connect your ideas smoothly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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