IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To whtat extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #impact #individuals #society #whtat
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It is often believed that a group of
people
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 and the community have been experiencing a lot of problems with the advancement of technology, especially social networking
sites
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. But I completely disagree with
this
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 statement, as social networking
sites
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 have been playing a crucial role not only in human lives but
also
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 in the development of
society
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. There are a number of reasons why social networking
sites
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 have positively impacted individuals and
society
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. One possible reason is that a person who lives in a remote area is easily able to participate in the long-distance learning programme by using Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram.
For example
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, during the pandemic in 2020, students used to have their education through social networking
sites
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, particularly WhatsApp and Zoom. Another reason is that nowadays
people
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 are mostly dependent on social networking
sites
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, as they help them communicate with loved ones through instant messaging and video call facilities.
Besides
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,
people
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 are able to get information promptly through social media about the development of
society
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.
On the other hand
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, in
this
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 contemporary world,
people
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, especially adolescents, tend to commit various crimes,
such
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 as blackmailing, fraud, and gambling, by using social media
sites
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.
Additionally
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, some low-grade companies have been preferring social media to advertise their low-quality products among their targeted customers.
For instance
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, because of the rise of digital marketing through Facebook, Instagram, or other social
sites
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, it is very easy to sell third-grade goods at a high price as consumers are encouraged by colourful advertisements. In a nutshell,
although
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 social networking
sites
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 have some downsides for individuals and communities, in my perspective, social networking
sites
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 are always useful as they contribute to developing
people
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's lives and
society
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 by providing lots of facilities, including information, digital marketing, and a long-distance education system.
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

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task response
Ensure a balanced approach when discussing differing viewpoints, particularly if the essay prompt asks you to consider both sides of an argument. In your essay, the counterargument is presented but could be developed further for a more balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to improve flow and cohesion. While your essay has a good structure, further variety in your use of discourse markers could enhance the logical connection between ideas.
task response
To strengthen your argument, ensure that every main point is supported by concrete examples or evidence. This strategy will help solidify your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
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