IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The number of cars has increased significantly in major cities. What problems does this cause and what are some solutions to these problems?

#cars #cities
In these modern days, some
people
 prefer watching
movies
 on the screens of their phones and tablets rather than on
screens
Correct article usage
the screens
show examples
 of a
cinema
,
while
 others say the
film
 should be seen in a
cinema
 to completely enjoy it. In the bellow essay, I will debate both arguments
as well as
 my point of view. On the one hand,
seeing
Verb problem
watching
show examples
film
 on personal gadgets
such
 as phones has the option for
people
 to watch in any situation. There are lots of free time and conditions that
people
 could fill by seeing
films
.
For example
, many
people
 spend a couple of hours commuting every day by train or bus and it is a suitable time to watch
movies
.
Also
, old
film
 fans can download their popular
movies
 and watch them whenever and
where ever
Correct your spelling
wherever
show examples
 they want. Many brilliant
films
 that were produced in the past which are not showing in cinemas anymore are available as simply as tapping on
tablet’s
Change noun form
tablet
show examples
 screens.
On the other hand
, seeing
films
 in a
cinema
 has some extraordinary features for audiences. The quality of
pictures
Correct article usage
the pictures
show examples
as well as
 the well-designed
surrounding
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
sound systems in the cinemas makes it more enjoyable. 3d pictures
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, give
film
 fans an exceptional experience of watching
films
 in the cinemas.
In addition
, watching
films
 in the
cinema
 has an important positive impact on relationships.
For instance
, families and friends can watch the
movies
 in the
cinema
 together to have fun and some amazing times. I would argue that both ways of watching
films
 individually on the phone or with your friends and families, even alone in the
cinema
, have some merits and demerits and it entirely depends on the condition. In conclusion, I understand why
people
 might want to watch
movies
 in the
cinema
, but it seems to me that watching
movies
 on phones and tablets is more desirable in these modern days.
Submitted by omidateur on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the task, but the arguments are not fully developed. The response lacks depth and fails to provide a thorough analysis of both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effective. The main points are generally supported with examples, but the essay lacks coherence in connecting the ideas and arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traffic congestion
  • Commute
  • Air pollution
  • Environmental degradation
  • Health issues
  • Road accidents
  • Vehicle density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Green spaces
  • Noise pollution
  • Public transportation
  • Non-motorized transport
  • Congestion charges
  • Traffic management
  • Carpooling
  • Electric/hybrid vehicles
  • Urban planning
  • Emissions
  • Cyclist lanes
  • Pedestrian zones
  • Infrastructure
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