IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

More and more measures to improve the security in large urban areas have been introduced in many countries because of the increased crime. Do the benefits of these measures outweigh the drawbacks?

#measures #security #areas #countries #crime
In today's era, the rate of crime rises remarkably which leads to raising awareness of
security
 in many wide cities where most crimes happen.
Although
 there are some demerits that solutions could bring, more merits that these measures could bring for citizens. On the one hand, improvement of
security
 would allocate more local budget to deal with crimes. To install facilities
such
 as cameras and CCTVs, authorities need to pay a massive amount of money to observe
activities
 surrounding areas where appear a lot of crimes.
Besides
, they
also
 need to employ more policemen and guardians to check
security
 and warn about unusual
activities
.
Moreover
,
such
 observing facilities could bring inconvenient
sense
 for dwellers because their
activities
 are recorded everywhere and could be checked by strangers who
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not know anything,
thus
, they could deny being observed from far away because of their uncomfortably.
Nevertheless
, the advantages of improving
security
 outweigh its negative aspects. Governments could bring a safe
sense
 for the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 and attract more visitors who have an approach to visiting that are safe. To encourage legal
activities
, many measures could attack issues to make people feel safe about their accommodation and working spaces to increase the ratio of outdoor
activities
 and develop career paths. Meanwhile, tourism could gain more attention from visitors who impress by these cities' safety and worth living there, to
subsequently
 decide to have a trip there,
as a result
, raising incomes for the
local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
show examples
 from tourism
activities
. In conclusion,
while
 cultivating the
security
 of many cities in the world has some drawbacks
such
 as spending more money and inconvenient
sense
,
however
, these
activities
 could bring more benefits including bringing safety
sense
 and attracting more travellers.
Submitted by thanhvinhdoi338 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: