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Some people think that success in life comes from hard-work and determination while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance, Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #hard-work #determination #factors #money #appearance
In modern life, money is increasingly trending. The majority of people believe that money is one of the aspects that lead to success
while
 there are others who have the view that a successful living which is results in hard work and resoluteness.
This
 essay will elaborate on both their advantages and disadvantages and summarise the writer’s opinion.
Initially
, almost all great things in the world come from property. Being wealthy may make somebody from nameless to be well-known.
In addition
, having good fortune means there will be more opportunities to pursue the ideal life, and
also
 have a high-quality of the level of educational background.
Moreover
, we can not deny that a person’s appearance is a main factor in being successful in some sectors. Take Harlan Sanders as a good example, who decided to try franchising their KFC concept across the US.
As a result
, it was a success and he quickly became a multimillionaire ,
also
 his wealth is still known until now. Turning to the other side of the argument, hard work and determination are
also
 the qualities which lend a hand to the individuals to lead to their achievements.
To begin
 with, passion in some sectors will give people the power to overcome difficulties and reach their failure.
Furthermore
, there will be more value in the career if the employee works with enthusiasm.
Hence
, the experiences that are gained from the verve in the job will be more valuable than payment cannot help to buy it.
To conclude
 , there are a large number of individuals who decide their lives by using money
whereas
 others tend to try hard to reach their dream existence. From my perspective, backbreaking work will be a great motivation for people to follow their own success.
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task achievement
To strengthen your argument, consider diving deeper into examples that support your points. For instance, providing more details on how Sanders' appearance played a role would enrich the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Work on avoiding minor grammatical errors to ensure the essay reads more smoothly. For example, 'Being wealthy may make somebody from nameless to be well-known' could be refined for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, which can then be expanded with supportive details. This will help in maintaining a logical structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which structure the argument well.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples and points to support both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The ideas are comprehensively discussed, giving the essay depth.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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