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Band 7.5

It is the responsibility of schools to teach children good behavior in addition to provide formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #schools #children #behavior #addition #education
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It is widely debated whether schools should solely focus on communicating formal education or
also
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 take responsibility for teaching good actions to children. In my view, I totally agree that schools should play a significant role in teaching good behaviour to offspring,
in addition
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 to providing formal education.
Firstly
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, educational institutions are a child's first formal environment outside the home. They provide an opportunity for children to interact with others, learn social skills, and develop healthy relationships.
Besides
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, institutions should teach them about appropriate behaviour in different contexts,
such
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 as respecting their friends, showing empathy, and resolving conflicts peacefully.
As a result
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, these lessons benefit the children's social and emotional well-being and help create a positive and productive learning environment.
For example
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, a school may have a lesson on showing respect for peers, where students are taught the importance of using polite language and listening to peers.
Secondly
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, schools are uniquely positioned to identify behavioural problems in offspring and provide timely solutions. They may struggle with emotional and behavioural issues, which can affect their academic performance and social relationships. In school terms, they can play an important role in identifying
suchlike
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such
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 issues and providing appropriate support,
such
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 as consultant and therapy which can help offspring overcome their problems and develop good actions, ultimately benefiting their academic and personal growth. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that academic knowledge is a factor that has a decisive role to play in educational conditions, I would contend that it is imperative that good behavioural training aspects be taken into consideration equally.
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task response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents clear and comprehensive ideas. However, make sure to address both sides of the argument in a balanced manner to fully respond to the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, and the main points are well-supported with relevant examples. However, you could strengthen the introduction and conclusion to more clearly frame the essay and tie the ideas together.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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