Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many individuals argue that the most efficient method to cultivate
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
is by supporting no-charge
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
others believe that paying more money for
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
by authorities is more significant. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss both
view-points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
in-depth and explain why the latter assertion is more compelling. On the one hand, those who advocate for providing
no payment
Add a hyphen
no-payment
show examples
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
agree that many
patients
Use synonyms
could access the medical system without having any anxiety about the treatment fee. To encourage people
go
Add the particle
to go
show examples
to hospitals more, governments could pay annually cost for citizens to be treated in terms of
health
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, they could receive
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
service from verified clinics
instead
Linking Words
of treating
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unqualified ones
due to
Linking Words
the cost they have to pay for their treatments.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they would pay more attention more on their
health
Use synonyms
and listen carefully
Change preposition
to advices
show examples
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
from
doctors
Use synonyms
, which increases the quality of
health
Use synonyms
in society.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
measure could cost a massive amount of
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
budget to deal with.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, proponents for prioritizing and investing in
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
believe that educating about
health
Use synonyms
has many potential benefits.
Doctors
Use synonyms
who learn more about
health
Use synonyms
would have a massive amount of knowledge about their fields, and become more skillful to deal with risky diseases.
Besides
Linking Words
, investing more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
could provide more up-to-date medical devices for
doctors
Use synonyms
to practice during their courses and allow them to access the most modern medical technology in the world to treat their
patients
Use synonyms
as well.
For example
Linking Words
, to face up to COVID-19, many medical staffs in Vietnam studied abroad and bought the newest medical devices to produce vaccines to treat
patients
Use synonyms
who suffered from
this
Linking Words
disease. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
many individuals believe that providing
no payment
Add a hyphen
no-payment
show examples
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
could allow people to access qualified
Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
services, I concur that prioritizing
health
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
has more potential merits including developing
doctors
Use synonyms
' skills and owning up-to-date medical technology to treat
patients
Use synonyms
. Mark that essay based on IELT band score descriptors
Submitted by thanhvinhdoi338 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: