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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think governments should care more about education the elderly while others think they should focus on investing in education for younger people. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#people #governments #care #education #focus
Some people believe elderly individuals should have an education like children. I suppose it is unnecessary work
due to
 the fact that it costs a lot and their learning ability is reduced. First and foremost, a disadvantage is that adult people who are supposed to learn will put society
to
Change preposition
at
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 a considerable amount of expense since society must allocate a large budget for them.
In other words
, if it happens, we will need more labour.
For example
, a teacher should work two shifts, one part for children and another the other for adults.
In addition
, a bigger number of teachers should be employed. All these measures will cost hugely.
Secondly
, their capability of learning is reduced because of increasing age. Provided that you compare a child with a grown-up, you can understand easily that they need too much time to learn
due to
 the fact that they need more motivation for learning.
According to
 research done in Iran, senior citizens who participate in classes in senior schools miss classes more frequently.
As a result
, teaching seniors demands more time and planning.
On the other hand
, one of the positive points of educating the elderly is that if they are educated, they will be able to apply technology.
For example
, they won’t require anyone to remind them to take pills or pay the bills which would help families of the older.
In addition
, they will be able to connect with others like their peers which will make a contribution to their happiness.
Therefore
, there will be more satisfied elderly. In conclusion, as I mentioned above
although
 education for the elderly has some drawbacks
such
 as high costs, it has benefits like reducing depression.
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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the given prompt and fully explores the advantages and disadvantages of educating the elderly. Make sure to provide thorough explanations and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and well-organized structure, making it difficult to follow. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic and that ideas are logically connected. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion need improvement in order to effectively frame the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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