This diagram below shows how electricity is generated in a hydroelectric power station. Summaries the information by selectiong and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

This diagram below shows how electricity is generated in a hydroelectric power station.

Summaries the information by selectiong and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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This
Linking Words
graph illustrates how hydroelectric power
station
Fix the agreement mistake
stations
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can be produced electricity.
This
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writing will be done by giving a big picture and the details of
flow
Add an article
the flow
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.
Overall
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, hydroelectricity
produced
Add a missing verb
is produced
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from
river
Add an article
the river
show examples
and it will
processing
Change the verb form
process
be processing
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in the morning to afternoon.
While
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the process will be stopped at night. In
this
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process, there is one machine that will be used, a generator. It contains three main processes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
from
river
Add an article
the river
a river
show examples
is flowing to the dam, which will be opened
at
Change preposition
in
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day
Correct article usage
the day
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,
then
Linking Words
it will
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
the
water
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
for
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power generation.
Secondly
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,
this
Linking Words
liquid will be processed in
generator
Correct article usage
the generator
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and
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
,finally
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the power lines will be produced. At night, the generator
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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operated and there are two stages to the
water
Use synonyms
turn back.
First,
Linking Words
the
water
Use synonyms
will be pumped into
high-level
Correct article usage
a high-level
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reservoir.
Last
Linking Words
, the
water
Use synonyms
will
be stayed
Change to the active voice
stay
have stayed
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at the pipe because the dam is closing during
this
Linking Words
time. The process will be repeated the same every day during
day
Correct article usage
the day
show examples
and night.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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