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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #work #community
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It is argued
Change preposition
by
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some people that youth should be able to support
community
Use synonyms
 services in their neighbourhood for free.
Although
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 some people think that working in
community
Use synonyms
 service does not get paid, I believed that the merits outweigh the demerits. Working at NGO for youngsters has become quite popular nowadays. There are two benefits associated with these activities
such
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 as levelling up their portfolio and sharpening their character.
First,
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many youths think they want to devote their time to
community
Use synonyms
 service in their neighbourhood to write good portfolios in their resume. These activities sometimes will be considered as added value by some employers,
thus
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 numerous youth join many NGOs for free.
For instance
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, In ,Indonesia young generation follows the Indonesian Mengajar
community
Use synonyms
 to help the remote area education system for a year to build and support their education because their
Correct your spelling
area
isarea
Add a verb
isisarea
wasisarea
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 often untouchable by the authority.
Secondly
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, parents want their teenagers to grow up having caring and kind characters which is why they encourage teens to join many
community
Use synonyms
 services.
Besides
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 that, providing help to the elderly or poorer will sharpen their sensitivity which is important to develop their character in the future.
Therefore
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,
this
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 kind of
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 should be embraced by the young generation.
On the other hand
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, it
also
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 has some drawbacks
such
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 as underpaid
as well as
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 low motivation in the long run.
To begin
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 with, working in
community
Use synonyms
 service is always associated with low wages or even free so it is not attractive for some teenagers, and sometimes when they are joining the
community
Use synonyms
 and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 their job in the long run lead to demotivation because they actually are not passionate to do.
Thus
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, many youngsters are being quit even though they do not finish the duration contract yet. In conclusion, working in the communities services is sometimes associated with being underpaid and not being motivated,
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however
Add a comma
,however
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 it is necessary for teens to acquire some benefits
such
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 as a good portfolio and build up their character.
Although
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this
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 trend has some demerits, personally I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by conk.addict on

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