IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits to living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #countryside #health #cities
There is an argument that having a healthy routine in the outskirts is more viable than in cities though, there are more health benefits for
people
 who live in municipals. I assume that,
while
 cities have their own facilities for a healthy life, living in the countryside is healthier by nature.
Firstly
, urban areas are pollution-free spots
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 have less traffic, and
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 which
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 healthy in these places is more convenient. The weather has a quality without gas pollution and it is really beneficial for the elder members of the society.
Secondly
, domestic products are consumed by villagers and these healthy items only are found in the countryside.
In addition
,
people
 who live in these locations are not involved in stress-inducing jobs and they are occupied in local work
such
 as farming, botching, plumbing, baking, and these kinds of occupations.
Thus
, staying safe from disease is an easier procedure for urban dwellers occasionally. In fact, there are numerous facilities which are placed for citizens to remain healthy. A healthy life is accessible for
people
 who live there if they want
due to
 many stadiums, exercise classes, pools, and pitches which are built in order to encourage
people
 to exercise.
Furthermore
, many doctors and institutes are considered for residents to go and check their wellbeing frequently and these specialists consult them to have a healthier time.
For instance
, doctors in health networks have to supervise elder
people
 for their blood pressure and dilbits even though, hundreds of villagers have died because of high blood pressure annually.
To sum up
,
although
people
 who live in the countryside have better opportunities to stay healthy
due to
 their locations, numerous services are provided to citizens for a healthier lifestyle.
Submitted by justpersia20414 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using more varied and complex sentence structures to improve the flow and readability of your essay. This can also help to make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and supporting details. This will help strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Task Achievement
You've successfully discussed both views on the topic and provided your own opinion, demonstrating a comprehensive approach to the task
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. This structure supports the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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