17.Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?
In
this
era, many interactions are done by technology
which making
Wrong verb form
makes
relationships
has
changed a lot in comparison to the past. Correct subject-verb agreement
have
Although
it has many negative effects like cold relationships
, fake people
on social media
and bitter divorce among partners, its positive impacts outweigh its negative consequences.
On the one hand, the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
is the main cause of easy-making relationships
and finding a good job, on the other, it affects on emigrant’s feelings who are far from their family. First of all, many friendships are made on some
platforms like Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and so on Correct quantifier usage
apply
that
young Correct determiner usage
apply
people
start to chat and find some friends who are casual acquaintances. Then
they go on a date and they might have a long relationship which leads to marriage. The next thing is who
want to find a good job can find co-workers or some managers to have a conversation with. The LinkedIn provide a platform for interaction between managers and workers. Correct pronoun usage
those who
Finally
, Some students are far from their hometowns and their parents. By video calling they can have connections with their family easily which prevents their mental health from isolation.
However
, there are some consequences which technology
has in human relationships
. On the one hand, people
might get cold with each other especially those who are engaged because they are far from each other and do not have a relational face-to-face. On the other, social media
is packed with fake people
whose pages illustrate some cool hobbies and rich entertainment. They just post their travel, parties, good food, and shopping, whereas
, they do not share posts about the real challenges in their life and the though
situations. So, they can cheat on the younger and make the worst relationship. Correct your spelling
tough
Finally
, many divorces occur because one of the partners is cheating and making love with another person on social media
. it is literally a betrayal of the spouses.
In conclusion, with technology
, making friends and having connections are easier these days which is a positive development. I wish the government would teach young people
how they can use social media
and technology
in some classes in universities.Submitted by dayansabet on
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task response
Be careful to fully address all parts of the task. The essay addresses the effect of technology on relationships and briefly mentions its positive and negative aspects but could benefit from a more detailed exploration of how these changes have been positive or negative.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay has a clear structure, but the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing your main arguments more clearly and directly stating your position.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to introduce paragraphs and make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Some paragraphs seem to cover multiple ideas, which can be confusing.
task response
Incorporate specific examples to support your arguments. While your essay mentions general scenarios, adding more detailed examples can help to illustrate your points more vividly and strengthen your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite