Some people believe that we should replace all plastic products with more environmentally-friendly materials, such as glass. Do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, some folks tell us to change all
plastic
products to more eco-friendly
materials
. The author strongly agrees with
this
statement, in ,addition
this
writing will be given the reason why. To start with, people
consumed
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
plastic
-based
materials
and they
did
Verb problem
are
show examples
not aware of their damage to the environment.
For example
, in the present, marine life is already destroyed by
plastic
waste, because humans
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
not know where to throw
this
kind of trash.
Moreover
,
plastic
is a kind of material
that is
hard to decompose. The research said, it can be composed but will take about 10 years.
In addition
, the pollution produced by
plastic
decomposition is very harmful. Despite using
plastic
which causes damage, we can replace it with other
materials
such
as glass, fabric and paper.
For instance
, some restaurants in Indonesia already changed their takeaway bag from
plastic
to paper bags. Some innovation
also
has been applied in
this
country, the factory produced environmentally-friendly bags made of cassava.
Thus
, there were many ways to resolve
this
problem and people can gain benefits which became more creative. In conclusion, people should reduce the use of
plastic
to protect our health and
this
world. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
not all
materials
can be replaced but at least the number of non-eco-friendly wastes will be decreased. In my opinion, keeping our environment healthy is more important than should be using harmful products. If
this
earth is damaged, not only humans will become a victim, but
also
animals and plants.
Furthermore
, humans will be losing some resources.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

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coherence cohesion
There are some logical gaps in the essay. Always make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and that this main idea advances your overall argument. Each paragraph should flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, be sure they clearly present and summarize your overall argument. Also, try to avoid direct repetitions of the same phrases or words.
task achievement
The essay appears to address the central task, but could delve more deeply into specifics. When providing examples, make sure they are appropriately detailed and clearly support your main points.
task achievement
While the ideas are quite clear, they could be more comprehensive. Try to deepen your analysis and elucidate your thoughts in a more profound manner.
task achievement
The examples provided do pertain to the topic, but they aren't as specific or as clearly tied to the arguments as they could be. Try to utilize examples that vividly illustrate your points and show clear relationships to your main arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmentally-friendly
  • sustainable
  • recyclable
  • microplastics
  • marine life
  • leach
  • biodegradable
  • carbon footprint
  • alternatives
  • feasibility
  • holistic approach
  • innovation
  • conservation
  • ecosystem
  • degradation
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