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Band 4

Students perform better in school when they are rewarded rather than punshied. To what extent do you agree.

#students #school
Education plays a significant role in
the
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apply
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early child growth. It is believed that there are some children who
scores
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score
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 better in their academics when they have
exposed
Add a missing verb
been exposed
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 to special gifts on scoring much better,
instead
 of penalizing them. I totally agree that rewards will definitely benefit the
students
perform
Fix the infinitive
to perform
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 better. In the looming paragraphs, I will discuss each aspect in detail. The prime factor responsible for youth
in
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apply
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performing better at educational institutions is that
,
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apply
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 every child at
early
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an early
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 stage takes
an
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apply
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each task as their goal, so
these initiative
Change the determiner
this initiative
these initiatives
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 will push them to perform even more better in their academics.
Moreover
,
students
 will always focus on their studies and consistently perform better in their exams. Cambridge School is one of the best
best
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apply
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school in
world
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the world
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, only because it
have
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has
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 some of the best systems and gifts for
students
 to perform much better in academics.
However
, some
students
 do not study if they are offered
with
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apply
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some benefits because they do not
wants
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want
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 to study,
Thus
 penalty is the only option which can push them to study because they will always get scared of paying or suffering from
penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
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 and
this
 initiative will help them to take
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
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 seriously which will
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them to secure their future. In a nutshell, every aspect has its pros and cons,
Although
 there are some situation in which
students
 focuses much better
in
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on
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 their schooling because of the fear of punishment,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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I believe Benefits,
rewards
Correct word choice
and rewards
show examples
 will push each
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 even more to give their best on studies and helps them to become a hardworking person in the future.
Submitted by pranav10puri on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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