IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is suggested that punishments for immature offenders who violate standard norms should be equivalent to those imposed on adult criminals. From my perspective, I do not disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. The primary reason why authorities should impose equal punishments for all criminals, regardless of their age, is the severity of the crimes committed. Given that the younger generation is growing up in a technology-driven era, it is inevitable that they will be exposed to violent video games and movies, which could have a detrimental effect on their mental health and decision-making ability, ultimately leading them to commit heinous crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Vietnam a few years ago, a teenager named Le Van Luyen murdered three members of an unfamiliar family, with the intention of stealing their property to indulge his gaming addiction. Despite being under 18 years old at the time, he was not completely absolved of responsibility for his heinous act.
Moreover
Linking Words
, based on scientific research, it has been concluded that the decision-making abilities of immature individuals are not yet fully developed.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is argued that juvenile offenders should not be held fully accountable for their illegal deeds.
This
Linking Words
 assertion raises the possibility that the occurrence of heinous crimes committed by increasingly younger individuals may be attributed to the exploitation of
this
Linking Words
 vulnerability, allowing them to engage in brutal activities without fearing any significant consequences.
For example
Linking Words
, consider school violence, where students who engage in abusive behaviour often go unpunished by both the school and legal system. To summarize, it is important to ensure that penalties for breaking the law are equitable for both young and adult offenders, as younger individuals are aware of the serious consequences of their actions.
This
Linking Words
 can help to discourage an increase in juvenile offences.
Submitted by Mads on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: