IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#technology #people #viewpoints
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The rapid growth of
technology
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 has brought some controversial effects. Some say that it connects
people
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,
while
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 others believe it tears us apart. I argue that
technology
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 has many impacts on our lives. Certainly, it has expanded our networking and has opened our limitless borders to connect with old
friends
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.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that
people
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 nowadays tend to be more individualist
due to
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 the advancement of
technology
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.
For example
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, they prefer to spend the whole time scrolling through their phones than to socialize with their loved ones.
As a result
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, they are not gracious to others.
Thus
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, meeting
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
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 with acquaintances will make them feel displeased because they have to initiate or respond awkwardly to the conversation sometimes they are not into it.
However
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, there are still many advantages that can not be overlooked.
For instance
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,
technology
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expand
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expands
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people
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's networking since it carries the whole
packages
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package
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 of communication,
such
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 as social media where
people
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 figure it out easier to reach their
friends
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 , either new or old ones. All they have to do is just type their
friends
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' names on the search bar and lots of information will appear on their screen.
That is
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 the first step to connect to each other. The same rule is
also
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 applied when they want to find some old
friends
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. After that, if they want to arrange a meeting, they can simply contact them
on
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through
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 direct messages or even video calls. In conclusion, even though
technology
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 has made
people
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 more individualist, it still has positive sides that will make
people
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 eventually connect with their companions.
Submitted by srsdy008 on

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task achievement
Expand on both viewpoints equally. For instance, delve deeper into how technology makes individuals more individualistic and give more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, use phrases like 'On the other hand', 'Conversely', or 'In contrast' more effectively to signify the shift in perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive expressions and work on the sentence variety for a more engaging read. Revise sentences such as 'However, there are still many advantages...' and use more diverse vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion give a good structure to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints and provides relevant examples to support the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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