Some people think that it is necessary to travel to learn about other countries. Others feel same can be learnt through TV and internet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Recently, understanding other countries has become an important thing for people to extend their thoughts. Some people think that learning other communities through travelling is really needed. Others believe that knowing about other countries can be derived more easily via TV and the
Internet
.
This
essay will discuss both views and argue that studying other nations on TV and the
Internet
is a better way. On the one hand, knowing another region through travelling is necessary.
Firstly
, the traveller can observe other community's cultures by visiting the place directly. They are
further
able to see the practical activity of the local community who live there.
For instance
, in the traditional cultural area of Lombok Island, the visitor can ask a question face-to-face with the original society of Lombok Island who is expert substantially in the historical culture.
Secondly
, another advantage of learning about other countries by travelling is that it is very enjoyable and refreshing. Most people love to spend their time on vacation,
thus
, they are able to witness the circumstances of nature which exist there.
For example
, if we intend to go to Switzerland, there are few natural places that can be visited,
such
as magnificent waterfalls, stunning hills, and beautiful land surrounding the hills.
On the other hand
, it could be true that the public believes that
television
and the
Internet
can provide knowledge about another state.
This
means, that society just needs to turn on the
television
to gain knowledge.
For instance
, to be able to know the situation of another state, society can watch the
television
about what is happening worldwide.
Besides
, with the smartphone, individuals easily obtain knowledge through the
Internet
.
As a result
, there is no need to spend the money and time to go on vacation to explore the world.
However
, having
television
and the
internet
will not guarantee that the information
that is
spread all over is the real situation or the facts. In conclusion, to be open to information
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
the world, an individual can choose to visit the proposed nations to learn about the community, or they can sit in a chair and seek information through the
television
and the
Internet
. Despite
this
, visiting the region might be a better option to consider in exploring the world.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
Enhance your argument by providing more detailed examples or data to support your points, especially in the second body paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a consistent tone throughout the essay. Occasionally, some phrases sound slightly informal. For example, instead of 'sit in a chair,' you might use 'from the comfort of their homes.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your arguments well, enhancing the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Your vocabulary and grammar are generally strong, contributing to the overall clarity and readability of your essay.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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