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Band 7.5

It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many people believe that the offspring should take care of plants and animals. The essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of
this
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 suggestion prior to concluding that the former is more significant. On the one hand, the option to help children get close to a natural environment
such
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 as growing vegetables and keeping animals is disadvantageous to some extent. The main shortcoming is that
this
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 choice could cause a serious mistake with children who have a weak health situation and have been easily diseases from animal-related sources.
For example
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, babies may have asthma if they come into close contact with cats in their house.
In addition
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, joining to plant trees can get potential dangers from outside activities.
For example
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, some students at an elementary school in Vietnam fainted and needed medical support when growing an eagle tree campaign
at the end
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 of the summer semester because of the prolonged hot climate in
this
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 country.
On the other hand
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, there are a host of compelling reasons why I am convinced that planting vegetables and raising creatures should be learned in elementary education. First and foremost, the above suggestion could help offspring gain new pieces of knowledge and skills which are not learned in schools
as well as
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 understanding the surrounding natural world and local animals, thereby, they have more understanding and love for their habitat,
as well as
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 the close pets
such
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 as dogs, cats, and livestock.
Furthermore
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, contact with plants and pets helps children improve their health, and strengthen their resistance
instead
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 of staying at home or at educational institutions for many hours a day. In conclusion,
while
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 it is irrefutable that coming into contact with plants and creatures could have some downsides, I would contend that the upsides which it offers are significantly more noteworthy.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clearly formulated. Work on organizing the ideas in a more logical manner. Provide more relevant and specific examples to support the main points.
task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the position, and the conclusion gives a clear and definitive answer to the question. Provide more comprehensive ideas and examples to support both the advantages and disadvantages.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable practices
  • cultural literacy
  • hands-on experience
  • nutritional awareness
  • curriculum integration
  • time management
  • resource allocation
  • school gardening projects
  • animal husbandry
  • ecosystem education
  • dietary habits
  • work ethic
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