IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays numerous
people
Use synonyms
 buckle with obesity which can lead to disrupting their daily lives. The causes of
this
Linking Words
 appear to be focused on two areas, and a number of solutions
also
Linking Words
 appear to be possible. Few topics are more important than overweight these days. Obesity is an issue that can occur for everyone in different situations. A well-known cause is in increasing comfort
food
Use synonyms
. By
this
Linking Words
, we mean that substances in fast
food
Use synonyms
 can impair good physical conditions and cause a lot of fatness in body shape. A
further
Linking Words
 well-known cause is folklore prefer to relax in their off time
instead
Linking Words
 of being active.
For example
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 chose a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 they would be fat day by day. A long-term solution is for society to buy free-range meats
instead
Linking Words
 of battery chicken which has detrimental impacts on the body
such
Linking Words
 as fatness and can alter their body shape to have good physical condition.
For instance
Linking Words
, folks can have vegetables
besides
Linking Words
 their foods which have minerals and vitamins that are essential for health and growth. A second remedy might be about the society. communities should change their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 should push themselves to be more active
instead
Linking Words
 of choosing passive hobbies. An example can be seen, if
people
Use synonyms
 had a mobility
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 they would not get in trouble with being overweight and they would not become couch potatoes. In conclusion, fast
food
Use synonyms
 and a sedentary
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 appear to be the main causes of obesity. The key solution would be eating healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and being physically agile.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the task, but the response could benefit from more detailed examples and a deeper exploration of each point.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use linking words and phrases to improve coherence. For example, instead of starting a sentence with 'For instance,' consider using 'Moreover, for instance...'
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and try to vary your sentence structures. This will make your essay more engaging and dynamic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-articulated, successfully framing the discussion.
task achievement
You have identified relevant issues and potential solutions and maintained a logical structure throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: