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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents believe that their children should do extra-curricular activities after school. Others say in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some people support the opinion that children should do extracurricular
activities
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 during their free
time
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. Others,
however
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, say that in
this
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 way children are under stress. In my opinion, I consider that extracurricular
activities
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 in their free
time
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 help
students
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 develop the most important skills for their future life. On the one hand, many people believe that children who have extracurricular
activities
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 develop their
characters
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character
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, and I agree. Unlike extracurricular
activities
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, academic subjects don't teach
students
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 social skills and teamwork.
For example
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, joining a football team can give them an opportunity to learn a new skill
while
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 they are having fun, which will make them use their free
time
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 in a useful way
instead
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 of wasting their
time
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 on games
such
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 as computer games.
Also
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, extracurricular
activities
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 will help them to develop something they like and enjoy learning, giving
students
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 benefits from
activities
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 that are not academic.
On the other hand
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, it is commonly believed that it is better if the
students
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 don’t have extracurricular
activities
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 because if they have programs or sports, that will lead to stress after long school hours, and adding pressure
to
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on
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students
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 is not healthy for them. Another reason is that some
students
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 prefer to focus only on their academic subjects. They think about their future and focus on subjects that lead them to get good grades and enter a good university. Using their free
time
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 with friends and family or watching TV makes them relax after school.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, having extracurricular
activities
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 is better for developing their character and social skills. It is very important and will benefit them in the future.

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task achievement
Your essay covers both views effectively and presents a clear opinion, which is excellent for task response. However, to achieve a higher score, you could develop your arguments further and provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Using more cohesive devices (like 'Moreover', 'Additionally', etc.) can help connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction and conclusion are particularly strong and provide a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and have clearly stated your own opinion. This makes your task response strong and complete.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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