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Writing Samples
Band 7

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think being a celebrity brings more benefit or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality #benefit
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In the era of technology, everybody wants to be a
celebrity
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.
While
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 some
people
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 think it has more advantages than disadvantages, some
people
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 think the opposite.
This
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 essay will look into why I think being a
celebrity
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 is more of a bane than a boon and will examine both the advantages and the disadvantages of being a
celebrity
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. On one hand,
celebrities
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 who are at the top of their category are usually exposed to alcohol and drugs, which are harmful to one's physical and mental well-being.
For instance
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, Juice WRLD was a famous
celebrity
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 who died of a drug overdose in 2019.
Furthermore
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,
celebrities
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 often have to mask their thoughts because a disagreement with the majority of
people
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 on a particular topic can create a massive backlash and can decelerate their career which can lead to anxiety and depression.
Celebrities
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 often have little to no privacy as they are constantly being followed by the paparazzi,
this
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 is a serious breach of privacy and can impact someone's personal life.
Moreover
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, being a
celebrity
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 makes you more vulnerable towards criminal activities including cyber attacks.
On the other hand
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, being a
celebrity
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 gets you favoured at a lot of places in the world, almost all
celebrities
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 get free access to stuff and do not have to pay for things.
Furthermore
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,
celebrities
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 earn really well compared to an average person and have an advantage financially.
People
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 start being aware of important issues happening in their country because of
celebrities
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 who have very high influence. Fame can
also
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 be used as a networking tool to meet new
people
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 and have a broader network of more influential
people
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.
To conclude
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,
while
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 the advantages of being a
celebrity
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 are very tempting to a normal person, I believe that it is not worth all the money and fame and
hence
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, think that being a
celebrity
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 is more of a bane than a boon.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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content
To improve your essay further, you can provide more detailed and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
content
Ensure that you maintain a balanced overview throughout the essay, perhaps by acknowledging some counterarguments more explicitly.
structure
Work on making your transitions smoother between points and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow and coherence of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your ideas.
structure
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives your essay a coherent structure.
content
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of being a celebrity, showcasing a balanced perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public scrutiny
  • paparazzi
  • financial gain
  • brand endorsements
  • lucrative opportunities
  • platform
  • mental health
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • networking
  • influential
  • perks
  • VIP treatment
  • security concerns
  • stalkers
  • public image
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