IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In contemporary society, everyone should have equal opportunities in education. Therefore, universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#society #opportunities #education #universities #numbers #students
It is certainly true that
everyone
Replace the word
every one
show examples
 person in society should have access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar education opportunities regardless of gender . Some people think that the number of men and
women
 who
accepted
Add a missing verb
are accepted
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
universities
 should be equal in all
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
. I totally disagree with the statement, because I believe acceptance in
universities
 should be
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
 qualifications and experience
as well as
 abilities.
To begin
 with, There are several reasons why I believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
show examples
 people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 tertiary education rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender is unfair.
Firstly
, if the
universities
 accept
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 based
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their performance and qualifications in high school,
this
 can encourage children to study hard in order to enter their dream major, which means every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 will do
best
Correct pronoun usage
their best
show examples
 .
As a result
,
this
 can enhance the quality of
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system and make it more
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
students
 around the world study hard to achieve
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 grades in order to enter the medicine or engineering major
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities
. Another reason, some
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 are suitable for men only. To illustrate, the major of engineering is
apporpriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
this
 is
becaue
Correct your spelling
because
men have
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
 to deal with heavy
deveices
Correct your spelling
devices
 compared to
women
.
For instance
, later in the future career
Add a comma
,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
engineers can handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heavy equipment
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 turbines,
Correct word choice
and condensrs
show examples
condensrs
Correct your spelling
condensers
condenses
.
Therefore
,
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
 similar a chance
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 enter engineering major maybe leads to make
women
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggling
show examples
 later in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
preofessional
Correct your spelling
pre-professional
 life with health issue
suchs
Correct your spelling
such
such as
,
pain
Change preposition
as pain
show examples
 in
back
Add an article
the back
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and injeries
show examples
injeries
Correct your spelling
injuries
,
this
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
Change preposition
of her
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 unable to cope with heavy
equipemnt
Correct your spelling
equipment
,which
also
 lead to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
show examples
 the productivity. In conclusion, in my perspective,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities
 should accept
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on their qualifications and take the future of the major
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their consideration
instead
 of gender.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Equal opportunities
  • Gender equality
  • Stereotypes
  • Diverse
  • Gender disparity
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics)
  • Humanities
  • Quotas
  • Reverse discrimination
  • Meritocracy
  • Tokenism
  • Workforce
  • Leadership roles
  • Aptitude-based
  • Scholarships
  • Economic growth
  • Innovation
  • Social stability
  • Comparative analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: