IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction
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One of the widely discussed problems nowadays is
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
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 of
children
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 about
difference
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the difference
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 between what is right and wrong in
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 world. Now people are beginning to realize that punishment is necessary to help
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation to have better
behavior
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. Personally, I tend to think that
punishments
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 will help
children
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 to become more polite in the
future
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 and help them to not
becoming
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become
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criminal
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criminals
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.
Firstly
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, it is well known that there are
plethora
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a plethora
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 of ways of punishment and different parents use different methods how to bring up their
children
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. Without
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punishments
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punishments,
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children
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 may have different issues in the
future
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 related to their
behavior
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.
According to
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 the recent Istanbul University research families that
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 use
punishments
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 as
way
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a way
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 of bringing up their
children
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, have more problems related to
the
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apply
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grades and
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 in
the
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apply
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school. What I mean here is that
punishments
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 can be very effective if they are used in the right way. One of the main reasons behind
this
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 is
children
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’s psychology. If
children
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 do not meet
resistants
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resistance
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 from their parents,
then
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 they will do bad things more often. A good case in point is data from research
of
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by
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UN
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the UN
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 which proves that
children
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 who
was
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were
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 not punished in their childhood become criminals
to
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apply
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20 per cent more often.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 be argued that
vast
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the vast
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 majority of
Correct article usage
the world
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world
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world's
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 successful people were punished for their bad habits in the past. It
is mean
Wrong verb form
means
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 that
punishments
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 help
to
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apply
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children
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 to be more responsible for their actions. If
child
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a child
the child
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 can be responsible for his actions
then
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 in the
future
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 he will have strong discipline. Take
for example
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 Cristiano Ronaldo who had really bad
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childhood.
However
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,
due to
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 his father’s
punishments
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 now we can see one go the greatest
sportsman
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sportsmen
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 who set and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 his goals by using motivation and discipline. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 taking everything mentioned into account in our final
analysis
Add a comma
analysis,
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 we can say that
punishments
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 are necessary for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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. Since it will help them to be more responsible and help to not
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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 in the
future
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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