At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation

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Nowadays, some developing

countries

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as Indonesia and India have more young adults rather than elderly

people

Use synonyms

. In my opinion,

although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

situation might bring some social problems, the benefits still outweigh the drawbacks.

Firstly

Linking Words

Correct article usage

the increasingly

show examples

increasingly

Change the word

increasing

show examples

youth population indicates

the

Change the article

show examples

large

number of

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

workforce, which is

truely

Correct your spelling

truly

important for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

economic growth.

For example

Linking Words

, various international

corporation

Fix the agreement mistake

corporations

show examples

will

built

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build

be built

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

factories in these

contries

Correct your spelling

countries

due to

Linking Words

relatively cheap salaries, and

this

Linking Words

can help the nation to earn more foreign currency.

In addition

Linking Words

, the government can receive more tax revenue and

using

Wrong verb form

use

show examples

it to develop

wealfare

Correct your spelling

welfare

facilities

such

Linking Words

as hospitals and academic establishments.

Seconly

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Secondly

, more

youths

Use synonyms

than elderly

people

Use synonyms

means that the community have less stress to take care

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

individuals who have retired

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to advanced

countries

Use synonyms

like Japan

where

Correct word choice

which

show examples

has serious elderly

people

Use synonyms

care issues.

On the other hand

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

situation

also

Linking Words

caues

Correct your spelling

causes

cause

some negative problems. One major problem is that there are higher unemployment

rate

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rates

show examples

and relatively lower

salary

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salaries

show examples

in these

countries

Use synonyms

, since they have too much workforce, even if the person who

guaduated

Correct your spelling

graduated

Change preposition

from

show examples

university is hard to find a good job position.

Furthermore

Linking Words

youths

Use synonyms

tend to

be appeals

Change the verb form

be appealed

be appealing

show examples

by drugs,

night

Correct word choice

and night

show examples

clubs,

thus

Linking Words

too many young individuals might increase the crime rate and make

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society becomes insecure.

However

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, I believe

these problem

Change the determiner

this problem

these problems

show examples

can be solved by the government.

For instance

Linking Words

, they can encourage the

youths

Use synonyms

develop

Add the particle

to develop

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

their english

show examples

english

Change the capitalization

English

show examples

ability

Fix the agreement mistake

abilities

show examples

and work oversee

expecially

Correct your spelling

especially

the

countries

Use synonyms

where is

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of workforce

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it is more likely to get higher salaries.

Additionally

Linking Words

, once the

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

received enough funds through taxes and residents' income taxes, they can develop their

infrustructures

Correct your spelling

infrastructures

infrastructure

, including more CCTV and

employed

Wrong verb form

employ

show examples

polices

Correct your spelling

policies

show examples

To sum up

Linking Words

large

Change the article

a large

the large

show examples

number of

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

population

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

prons

Correct your spelling

pros

show examples

and cons, but the bad points can be solved.

However

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, the

adventages

Correct your spelling

advantages

are difficult to replace, so I still believe more

youths

Use synonyms

than elderly

people

Use synonyms

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

good

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society.

Submitted by zhangyongc83 on Thu Jun 08 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

316 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

Today different types of robots are being developed which can serve as companions and workers to help at work and at home. Is this a positive or a negative development

n some countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage?

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoid any change. others, however, think that change is always a good thing. discuss both views and give your opinion.